Parents who do these 5 things raise kids who are more resilient than most: ‘Let them learn from failure,’ pediatrician says

The list of anxieties parents have about their kids is endless: Are they keeping up in school? Do they have enough friends? Are they learning the necessary skills to become a well-adjusted adult?

There is one quality parents can foster that might help kids surmount any social, emotional, or mental challenge: resiliency.

Resilient kids are better able to regulate their emotions, bounce back from failure, and forgive themselves for making mistakes. Parents who raise the most resilient kids don’t eliminate stressors. Instead, they teach their kids how to cope with them.

Here are five things parents with resilient kids do:

Some parents limit experiences that they think will be unpleasant for their children, says Dr. Ken Ginsburg, a professor of pediatrics at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia.

This can stunt growth.

“A parent’s job is to protect their kids and let them learn from failure,” he says. “One of the ways you prepare your child for difficulty is to let them occasionally fall and get back up.”

When your child comes to you with a problem, it’s tempting to tell them, “Oh, don’t worry about it.”

But learning how to cope with anxiety and worry is a key part or resiliency, Taryn Marie Stejskal, founder, the founder of theResilience Leadership Instituteand author of“The 5 Practices of Highly Resilient People: Why Some Flourish When Others Fold” wrote for CNBC Make It.

She advises parents put aside some time for “worry sessions.”

“Set a timer for five minutes and ask your child to worry about every aspect of their concern,” she says. “They can even write down all their anxieties. Then, once the period is over, ask them to release the worries and no longer think about them.”

Another way to help your child cope with worry is to ask them to present the worst and best case scenario of what could happen, Stejskal says.

“This helps them feel more secure because they realize that the worst imagined outcome is not as bad as they thought,” she says. “Reminding our kids that they are capable of handling even the worst-case scenario helps them see that most problems can be managed.”

And, of course, having them think through the best case scenario shows them that positive outcomes are possible.

In order to help your kids develop mental strength and resilience, it’s important to devalue external validation, Scott Mautz,a former senior executive of Procter & Gamble and author of “The Mentally Strong Leader” wrote for CNBC Make It.

“Help your children measure their performance against their own expectations rather than seeking a stamp of approval from other people,” he says. “Instead of determining if they lived up to someone else’s standards, encourage them to consider: ‘Did I accomplish what I set out to do?’ and ‘Am I becoming a better version of myself?'”

It’s inevitable that kids will experience setbacks when trying to reach their goals. Focusing too much on the outcome of their efforts can discourage them from taking risks and growing.

“Becoming overzealous about results can eat away at kids’ mental strength because so many factors besides effort can influence the outcome,” Mautz says.

Instead, ask them what they learned in the process, or if they had fun. This can help them see that there is value in trying new things, even if it doesn’t go exactly as planned.

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